Quote by Pierce That He Wouldnt Ever Drink Again
Pierce Hawthorne: Jeffrey, when I was born, I got my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, both arms, and ane of my ankles. Mom said there came a point when the doctor stopped delivering me and only started laughing. I mean, if I ever let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living.' 'Breakfast.' And I'one thousand not leaving until I've cleaned out the cafe. Now, how about a shove?
Jeff Winger: Good luck, Pierce.
Pierce Hawthorne: Don't need information technology. Never had it.
Jeff's Mom: [Jeff creates a simulated flashback] Jeff, you lot're a normal person. In that location's zero very special near y'all at all. You're going to be great at a few things, merely really crappy at more. And that takes a lot of the pressure off, so you can live a full, happy life. Oh, and lamentable it took me and then long to tell you that. And it was only in your imagination. My bad. I'm kind of a sloppy mom.
[in the present, Jeff immerses himself in the imitation flashback while continuing to brand bad pottery]
Jeff Winger: [very seriously] That'due south okay, Mom. Nobody's perfect.
Abed Nadir: Jeff's competitive side had come out before. He had even displayed green-eyed, but on that get-go twenty-four hour period of pottery class, he discovered...
Jeff Winger: Abed!
Abed Nadir: Yeah.
Jeff Winger: What did we talk over?
Abed Nadir: No voiceover. Sorry. It is kind of a crutch.
Admiral Slaughter: [after Pierce's lid falls over board in the parking lot] That hat is gone, lost at ocean.
Troy Barnes: Just I think I can even so reach it. Information technology landed on that Hyundai... I hateful, mermaid's car.
[Jeff straddles Rich and accidentally recreates the forbidden scene from "Ghost"]
Professor Holly: I give you one rule to follow!
[He points to a poster of Patrick Swayze with a red "X" over it and Annie gasps]
Professor Holly: I had it fabricated before he died. It's not in bad taste.
Professor Holly: Hello my precious blueberries! Alrighty, permit's spin those wheels and play with some clay.
[slams the clay]
Professor Holly: I have one and only one rule in this grade. I will tolerate no reenacting, whether it's ironic or sincere, of the Patrick Swayze/Demi Moore scene in Ghost. Ever since that movie was released in 1990, I have seen every conceivable variation of what I telephone call 'Ghosting'. It'due south guy-on-girl, girl-on-guy, the hilarious guy-on-guy...
[pretends to shoot himself in the head]
Professor Holly: So since it never stopped, I have to prefer a zero ghost tolerance policy. If yous and so much as hum three notes from that Righteous Brothers song, so assistance me God I will come at you lot! With everything I've got. OK? Let'south take a swell time!
Troy Barnes: Oh, my God. Pierce is well-nigh to become the only person to drown in a parking lot. Twice.
Professor Holly: Congratulations, you just failed a class and then piece of cake people passing in the hall get contact credit!
Jeff Winger: As we stand up once once again upon the deadline to drop or add together classes, I hereby nowadays this semester'southward Jeff Winger selection for ultimate accident-off course: Beginner pottery.
Annie Edison: I don't know, your last "blow-off" class ended up teaching me to alive in the moment, which I will always regret and never practise once more.
Jeff Winger: This one'south different. I researched. You don't even take to make a good pot. You get an art credit for participation.
Jeff Winger: This class is like a redhead that drinks scotch and loves Die Hard. I advise you all get her number.
Admiral Slaughter: When I look at you, I no longer run across students. I run across seamen. From the moment you lot came onboard, I saw seamen inside of you. More chiefly you've stopped laughing at the word "seamen" which is the marking of a true seaman.
Abed Nadir: Pottery's much cooler than I thought.
Annie Edison: And harder! Well, except for that guy Rich. He's like, a natural.
Abed Nadir: Yeah, I'g worried nearly the issue that it's having on Jeff, though.
Annie Edison: Mm.
Jeff Winger: Heh, yeah. Someone phone call a shrink. What?
Abed Nadir: Well, you're commonly the cool ane.
Jeff Winger: Abed... You understand the bespeak of a blow-off class is to, accident it off. Not to exist cool, making really important mud pies.
Annie Edison: You're not willing to admit he's talented?
Jeff Winger: No, because he's not. I mean, if I were e'er to make an effort in that class, y'all'd think I was the cat'due south pajamas too.
Pierce Hawthorne: Cat's pajamas?
[chuckles]
Pierce Hawthorne: Okay, Pierce.
Britta Perry: Wow, somebody's mommy gave him likewise much praise.
Jeff Winger: Man, so did someone'southward psyche instructor.
Señor Chang: [Arrives to class shirtless] Yes, I was robbed at the YMCA. Over again.
Annie Edison: Rich just taught me how to make a flared lip and bank check for breast lumps!
Rich'due south Mom: [phonation over] A dirt ashtray. You're an idiot. Why exercise you have time to make pottery? Couldn't y'all employ a little more practice being a doctor?
[Rich stares menacingly into the camera]
Rich'south Mom: Not that information technology'll ever bring your brother back to life. It was supposed to be you on that roller coaster, richard. Information technology was supposed to be you!
Admiral Slaughter: Welcome aboard the S.South. Nose Candy, recently purchased through government auction.
Shirley Bennett: Oh, that's squeamish.
Admiral Slaughter: It's not prissy, information technology'south your only weapon confronting the raging ocean. Yous don't know how to use her, you're dead. Together, you will work equally ane crew. You will succeed or fail every bit one crew. You lot volition consider this parking lot the ocean. Whatever you lot driblet, you lose. Mishandle the sails, yous capsize and dice.
Shirley Bennett: Oh.
Admiral Slaughter: At present, does trivial miss squeamish have a proper name?
Shirley Bennett: Sh... Shirley Bennett.
Admiral Slaughter: Well, now you're Captain Shirley Bennett.
Shirley Bennett: Oh!
Pierce Hawthorne: Aw, man!
Admiral Slaughter: You lot volition follow her every gild.
Shirley Bennett: Oh.
[cutting to classroom]
Shirley Bennett: I've never been a captain before.
Pierce Hawthorne: I have. I commanded a jet ski through an electrical tempest And only had one casualty.
Troy Barnes: Jet skis only concur two people.
Pierce Hawthorne: Exactly. Saved half the crew.
Admiral Slaughter: Y'all just steered your boat into a tempest. Any last words?
Shirley Bennett: The ocean may be cold and unforgiving, but I'thou not. The ship might go downward, but, uh... at to the lowest degree she'll go down with laurels.
Admiral Slaughter: I'll have your helm'south hat 'crusade I'yard promoting y'all to admiral. You all get an "A."
Shirley Bennett: Ohh! Admiral Shirley. I like that.
Admiral Slaughter: Well, information technology means nothing, actually the class is over, but you deserve it.
Jeff Winger: Guess where Rich is from.
Britta Perry: Couldn't take been crazy boondocks. Yous'd take gone to loftier school together.
Jeff Winger: I mean, take an intermediate class If you're intermediate. Don't come up in here making your fright of failure our problem. I hateful, it's crazy. It's crazy. I hateful, he's a crazy person.
Annie Edison: [whispering] I'm scared.
Abed Nadir: Information technology's okay. This is good for him. He'south confronting his own limitations.
Rich: Hey, Jeff, ready to make some fine art In the shape of a vase?
Jeff Winger: [holds up a bandaged left forefinger] No, I tin can't.
Rich: Ooh, ouch. Let me have a expect.
Jeff Winger: Uh, come on, Rich. Being good at beginner pottery Doesn't mean you lot tin heal people.
Rich: That'southward true. But my medical degree does. I'g a doc.
Jeff Winger: A doctor?
Rich: I only take pottery to unwind. Oasis't lost a patient in five years. Puts a lot of pressure on a person. And so the skilful news is this is neither sprained nor broken.
Jeff Winger: Oh, thank God, only I'll have to get a 2d opinion from a guy in my basket weaving class.
Rich: [laughs] That's great. That's funny.
Rich: You lot know, Jeff, it'southward kind of weird. I feel like I'm being interrogated, only past someone who doesn't really desire to know anything important.
Britta Perry: You don't have to do this.
Shirley Bennett: I know, but I'd rather exist kind and go stepped on every in one case in a while than exist a hard-ass and turn my dorsum on a friend.
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1582821/quotes/qt1862173
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